Monday, November 21, 2011

The Raiders Strike Back...

Leigh and Bransford Badgers - The Raiders Strike Back

The Empire


Unfortunately for the Rovers Alliance today was not to be their day. The Raiders brought out their ATAT (All Tackling Attack Tactics) and their black and red storm troopers. They targeted Echo Base (Ali’s goal) early on and unleashed a blistering range of attacking moves. Despite the best efforts of Rovers defence force comprising of Luke ‘Marshalling the troops’ Painter,  Arron ‘That tall bloke in black won’t get past me’ Manton, Dan ‘I’ll take on any Wookie you like’ Watson, Dan ‘Sneers at General Veers’ Thomson and Ben ‘I’ve heard Boba Fett wears ladies pants’ James the Raiders still kept coming. 

Ali and defence have some problems
Ali and his defenders have a few problems...


The Rovers Alliance Rogue Squadron did manage a couple of counter attacks in the shape of Connor ‘The left wing laser’ Porter-Brown, James and Jacob ‘The Han Solo and Chewbacca’ of the Rovers (I’m not saying who is who…), Matty ‘Boot like a photon torpedo’ Griffin and in particular Liam ‘I can bring down the Empire with one shot’ Wood but ultimately the evacuation of Hoth Powick had to begin early…

You can only stretch a metaphor so far so here is a more conventional second half report...

Very early after kick off Luke shows some good control allowing Alfie to get into the thick of it and nearly slot home a cross from James. Some good defence from Ben and Jake but the Raiders keep coming, drawing a great save from Ali. Richard is showing some nice touches that allows Matty G to put one just wide. At this point our new signing, Matty ‘I know when it’s raining first’ Waldron is making his presence felt and shows some good skills and strength in defence. With the ball now in Ali’s hands expect the expected…sure enough he produces an enormous kick for James to nearly score from. Some very unsportsmanlike play from Raiders leading to a penalty after James is hijacked in the box. Oh no! Saved by keeper! At the other end Ali is on fire now and nothing is getting past him, two more great saves and the Raiders coaches are wondering how much they could buy him for. Poor Alfie takes a ball to the stomach and has to be subbed. Raiders attacking again but that man Luke is there to sort it all out with the usual strength and support of Liam. A nice through ball from Dan T leads to another shot from James. Rovers shot again and again but sometimes even James, Jacob, Liam or Matty can’t score.

Just remember lads some of the greatest defeats in history have led to some of the greatest triumphs…
It’s time for a long winded exploration of history showing how loosing one match is not the end of the world...Pay attention now...

yawn, he's off again...

 1. The Battle of Bannockburn: An away game in Scotland played on an uneven surface full of pot holes. The Scottish first eleven were armed with pikes with long spikes on the end and the English were on horseback (not ideal for dribbling or passing). The result was a 1 – 0 victory for our porridge eating friends. This led to their manager, a French chap called Robert ‘Garlic Muncher’ De Bruce going on to coach the international squad.

Hampden Park
The location of the Battle of Bannockburn


This is where it all went wrong for young Bobby. He sent his first eleven south for an away game at Carlisle and were comprehensively beaten by Andrew ‘Chopper’ Harclay and the England ladies squad. After that humiliation he sent his first team to Ireland and they came a cropper against Roger ‘Nobby’ Mortimer’s Irish All Star Eleven – The poor old Jocks have won nothing else for the best part of a thousand years…


2. The Battle of Bauge: This took place during a long running three way tournament in Europe.  The previous trophy had been won by Henry ‘Once more unto the breach’ The 5th and his Band of Brothers Villa so the pressure was on Duke ‘Long-ball’ of Bedford and his English Academicals. The Dukes star player at the time was Duke ‘I’m in the team ‘cause my big brother is the manager’ of Clarence. Clarence decided to take on the Scots at in an independent five-a-side match at Bauge in France and was viciously chopped. The poor guy never played again.

Henry V and coach
Henry 5th at the previous Agincourt tournament
It was an angry Bedford who arrived at the final being played at Vernueil in central France (blaming Sepp Blatter). To his surprise he had to face two teams at once. Both the Scots (gloating over their five-a-side victory) and the French had their international squads lining up against him. Bedford, despite his brother’s defeat at Bauge won the cup in glorious style with Earl ‘Lofty’ of Salisbury scoring the winner. The French groundsmen were so ashamed of their team they closed the pie shop in the faces of their own players.

3. The Battle of Bosworth: This was part of the domestic season in 1485. The league decider was set to be played between Richard ‘Tricky-Dicky’ Plantagenet and his team White Rose Athletic and Henry ‘The Welsh Wonder’ Tudor and his Red Rose United. Because of crowd trouble at their last meeting both teams were banned from using their own stadiums (in Lancaster and York) so a neutral ground was found in the Midlands. During the first half all seemed to be going well for old Dicky and he had carried the game into United’s half but a poor substitution brought about his downfall. He brought on Lord Stanley to play sweeper but unknown to Athletic he had signed for United during the night and came on the pitch dressed in Red. This was the end for Dicky and White Rose Athletic and they were beaten 2 - 0. The FA were called in after the game regarding some possible match fixing involving a horse and a kingdom but no one pressed charges.

Sir Stanley
Lord Stanley (no relation)
The moral here is to make sure you register your players properly…

4. The Battle of Dunkirk: This was part of the World cup campaign 1939 – 1945. England were put in the same group as France, Holland, Belgium and Germany. Initially the English and French held their own against a revitalised German squad managed by Adolf ‘The terror from Vienna’ Hitler and led by ‘Erwin ‘Beckenbauer-wurst’ Rommel but the next two German games led to a sound thrashing of Holland (0 – 1, away win) and Belgium (0 – 1, away win). The final group stage games were hard fought but the poor old French were so badly beaten that many of their squad asked for transfers and the England Team had to make their own way home after a few days out in Dunkirk.

Who do you think you are kidding...
The German squad tactics board
Old Adolf thought he had made it to the final unopposed but he got a very bad draw in the knockout stages which led to him playing the England, Canada, USA and Russian squads in consecutive matches. Both Adolf and Erwin never managed or played another game again.

The moral of these ramblings I hear you ask??? Just because you lost doesn’t mean you can’t give them a good hiding next time…

Man of the match was Ali, and deservedly so as he had so much work to do and pulled off some truly amazing saves…again.

Mention


This weeks mention in dispatches goes to Liam for showing that ‘I will go down fighting’ attitude and working like a Bombay Bus driver.

It's all over the pitch...

Ron








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