Monday, December 12, 2011

Football was the winner

Leigh and Bransford Badgers Rovers - Football was the winner Leigh and Bransford Badgers - Football was the winner...

Rumours that the L&B Badgers Rovers had reached the quarter final of the cup and that they were accordingly having specialist training provided by the Kidderminster Harriers were abounding across the international news. ‘These boys literally have a chance for glory!’ Barack Obama was heard to remark after his tea in the oval office.  The special training, it had been suggested, was on a par with the Parachute Regiment’s ‘P’ Company or the Special Air Service’s ‘Fan Dance’. Either way, The Rovers were taking this seriously and so where the media…

Obama
'Yes they can! These boys have a chance for glory! '


I decided that the match deserved proper coverage so I called in a few favours… post-match analysis is provided by the ‘Match of the Afternoon’ Team from the WBC (Worcestershire Broadcasting Corporation).  This week’s thriller has been scientifically dissected by the team and of course keeping these amateurs in order, yours truly…

Spinaker
           

          Good afternoon everyone! and welcome to this special program celebrating the Leigh
              and Bransford Badgers Rovers progression into the cup quarter finals. I’m Larry Spineker
              Ex-England goal hanger and your host for tonight’s program. We have been forced asked
              to provide this analysis by Ron of the Rovers (no relation) who has threatened to 
              put worms through my letter box if we don’t…
                   
Ron         
         
That’s slander Larry!
Spinaker              
                
           
 Only if it’s not true Ron…
           
         
         
Ah, yes, of course …mumble mumble...
Spinaker                
         
And joining us tonight are: Ex-Ireland superstar, coach and part time Yorkshireman Nick McFarty, Ex Scotland post watcher Harry Anson, Ex-England coach turned vegetable Graham Turnip and of course Ron of the Rovers. Good evening gents.
McFarty         
         
Aye!
Harry                
                


  Sleekit ya bessar!
Turnip                
         

  Do I not like orange?
Ron        


It’s not true about the worms…
               
         
         
So Ron, you have seen these boys play all season, what are your thoughts on their performance in the cup?
Ron                
         
Well Larry, early doors the lads have done well, they have been a great advert for the game and even though there are no easy games in this cup, football has been the winner.
Spinaker             
         

And that means?
Ron                
       

They out played everyone in the first round and then mashed the Worcester Raiders in the second.
Spinaker              
         
So what about today’s game? Graham?
Turnip             
         
         
Well Gary, sorry, Larry, the lad Newman had a good game but he will be disappointed not to get on the score sheet especially after his outstanding performance in the last league game and young James showed the strength of Samson against lads who were twice his height.
Spinaker            
            
But what about the defence as a whole?

Turnip         
Oh yes! They were in a different class to the Pussies sorry, Leopards. I was thinking of big Jack Charlton when Painter was snatching the ball of the opposition. I wonder if he is getting board of that description yet? And that lad Wood…he rose like a salmon when he had to clear the lines early doors. I think they missed Manton and Watson at the back today when the boys were left with a mountain to climb…
Spinaker             
         
Nicely put. Harry do you have anything to add?
Harry                 
         
Aye! Ya Inglish Divil ya…Ya see that yon Ching? He’s a bangin’ keeper, so he is! All yon Poossies couldnay score wi’ ‘im between yon sticks.
Spinaker                
         
True Harry but the Leopards did score one or two…
Harry               
               
            
Luk! Pure bezzin’ Luk. Yon pitch waz like yon Somme!
Spinaker             

         

Again true. Nick did the conditions play are part today?
McFarty                
       

Where’s me pigeon? Eh? Where was thee? ‘Did the conditions play a part?’ It were wetter than a Tuesday afternoon in Holmfirth.
Ron             
         

Larry was trying to persuade Martyn to go onto a carrot diet to help he see offside calls in the dark…
Spinaker             
   
Now Ron that’s unfair…he was spot on in the second half. What about the Rovers goal Nick? Did you think it was a penalty?
McFarty                
            
Were it a chuffin’ penalty? Were it a chuffin’ penalty? Is thee blind lad? Young Henry were like a whippet wi’ it’s bum on fire through that defence…that Leopards number 6 chops more than a Canadian lumberjack.
Spinaker           
         
Nice spot kick from Griffin though?
McFarty              
         
         
Oh aye. ‘is radar is back on target.
Spinaker                
            
            
So, Ron, Your thoughts on the match?
Ron                
         

Well Gary, most of the Leopards goals were speculative efforts to say the least. The Rovers lads were in a different class. I would say Leopards turned up, parked the bus and then played with luck and conditions on their side.
Spinaker             
         
Any highlights for you during the match?
               
         

I thought Porter-Brown and Swiers held down the left particularly well. It looked like they wanted to play football. I like the new signing Waldren, he has a good set of boots and is not afraid to use them…
Spinaker             
         

I thought Gillibrand had a good game he did come close a couple of times…
Harry               
         

Eh? Ay the noo, when yon hopes are hangin’ by yon threat he’s the bairn to give yon ball to.
Spinaker               

         
What about the subs Graham?
Turnip                
         
         
The Rovers have a strong bench so if someone picks up a knock or is not quite 110% then you can always rely on Steven’s lad. Passes better than Jenson Button he does.
Spinaker             
         
What about Thomson and Skipper?
Turnip               
             
         
He’s a real terrier that Skipper, doesn’t give up and appears all over the pitch. Thomson has his moments too…he’s starting to get an eye for a goal.
Spinaker             
         
Sounds nasty… Nick, who have been your outstanding players of the Rovers squad this competition?
McFarty             
         
Whippets! Eh? oh aye. Two lads wi’ good engines on ‘em… that’s Woods and Hall. You could generate enough electrickery to power Barnsley wi’ those two’s efforts, thy knowest!
Spinaker             
         
Eloquently put. Harry what are your thoughts?
Harry               
             

See you pal! Eh? haggis an’ whiskey…
Spinaker             
            


About the Rovers…
Harry              
         

Eh? See yon Turnip! I divvnay like yoo but I like orange …com yon Rangers!
Spinaker              
         
         
Harry! You can’t say that here. The Rovers fans will stone you…

Harry          
            
Soz,Forgit misell…I like yon wee yins…Henry scores more than Sean Connery at Hogmanay, Newman will too in a mo, Hall works harder than a Glasge barman and yon Beast! He gives me the wullies. Gillibrand has a big boot on his peg…so has Swiers and Griffin watch oot yon keepers!
Spinaker                
            
Ron, Any thoughts?
Ron               
         
 I think Painter, Manton, Waldren, Porter-Brown and Stevens make a strong line at the back. In football, time and space are the same thing and these lads make one and squeeze the other…
Spinaker                
         
Thanks Ron. I literally have no idea what you just said. Give me some sense Graham…
Turnip             


These lads are what I like to call footballers footballers… Skipper and Thomson, the midfielders midfielders. James the ankle biters ankle biters and Ching
Spinaker            
            


The goalkeepers of goalkeeper?
Turnip                
         

Don’t be stupid, I think he’s the best keeper in the league…
Spinaker             

Surprise result there from Graham Turnip…We’ll that’s it the Rovers are out of the cup for this year but I think we all agree they have done a splendid job in getting this far, football was the winner and we look forward to at least the semi’s next year. From all of us here at Match of the Afternoon, Goodnight.
Spinaker         
Ron can I have my family back now??




Thanks gents for a presentation straight off the training ground...


Matty Griffo was awarded man of the match for his beautiful spot kick.
Mention

This weeks mention in dispatches goes to Ben and Luke for the sheer effort they put into what ended up being a lost cause.


A final big-up goes to my brother-in-law Terry of the Terriers for supplying all the punditry classics...

Per Ardua...
Ron


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